A Bunch of Bananas

One off resettlement payments for losing their job
It’s disgusting to reward this dishonest mob
14K to close their office and a year’s salary of 66K
Plus an annual pension between 7 and 43 thousand to go away

First banana won’t be paid if committed of fraud
Second banana will still receive a yearly First Minister 138K reward
Third banana only served as an MP for two years
Fourth banana dubbed the country’s laziest MP to jeers

One banana two banana three banana four
Please don’t take the pi** out of me any more
Giz a Job, I could do that
At least I’d be rich even if I acted like a tw**

My Ultimate Nightmare

Maggie’s Conservative Government
Exposure to a nuclear bomb
Being pummelled by Max Bygraves
Losing my paper boy round
Failing my driving test for the tenth time
Being a Detective
Being a Birmingham City fan
Losing to Manchester United at Wembley

Not one of these tragedies is significant
Compared to my most vivid nightmare

They terrify me
Locked in a small room
Swathed in darkness
No opening windows
A fearful buzzing sound

Magnified by my fear
Such small things
So quick and deadly
I’m covered in strawberry jam
They crawl all over my skin

Where are my clothes?
The needle going in and out
Yellow and black stripes
Where have they been before
Covered in deadly germs

Nowhere to escape
A thick metal door
A panic room
With no key
No specified time limit
A challenge
No £100,000 prize for endurance
Just survival

I’m sweating profusely
I feel blindly for the newspaper
Fold it in half
At last a good use for The Sun

I swat at the walls constantly
Bad mistake
I’m bound to miss
I imagine the searing pain
Sure enough it’s extreme
Never ending

What a great method of torture
I must tell the CIA

It’s said that once one attacks
They all join in
Something to do with the smell of fear
The need to protect their leader

Can you imagine such a situation?
A locked room
Full of wasps
How would you cope?

Solitary Confinement

Being on my own
Is never easy
The long term thought
Makes me queasy

In deep conversation
With my solitary self
In everyday situations
People question my mental health

Cooking and eating alone
Is not much fun
Supermarkets cater for families
Everything’s more expensive to run

Lack of money doesn’t help
Unemployment brings despair
Illness, pain and lack of mobility
Yet the cupboards are bare

Sitting in an empty chair
Waiting for the phone to ring
Staring out the window in a daze
Listening to the birds sing

Aged without a family
My only company my TV
Waiting for door to door salesman
To knock and give me a little joviality

Confined to bed
My only daily contact
A short community nurse visit
My memories intact

If I had the chance
To live my life again
I’d be permanently jolly
And go out and find myself some friends

Cross Section

Cross Section
Reminds me of Woodwork at school
I always came last

Cross Section
Reminds me of dissecting rats
I didn’t enjoy it

Cross Section
Yes I do get angry
When people stop me doing things

52, 117, 9
Inner or outer circle
Nothing like time spent on a bus

Cross Section
Holidays to Cuba and Majorca cancelled
£1,600 lost; yet more anger

Cross Section
A consultant, Social Worker, the police get involved
I have no choice, no control

72 hours, 28 days, 6 months, 12 months
Long stretches keep my future at bay
They take my hope away

I wouldn’t mind if the system made a personal difference
It’s always too little, too late
And now I have little left

I’ve lost my job, my stability
My wealth, my family
My integrity, my confidence

I wish they’d interfered at the right time
Controlled my spending and my mood
Controlled my dreams

The horse has bolted
With effort I can get my life back
I can live happily every after

I don’t ever want to be cross again
I don’t ever want to be sectioned again
I just want personal stability
I just want Karma

Where Am I?

It’s boiling hot and stuffy
I cannot open the windows in Summer
Midges would bite me to death
I lie on my bed
I see two flashing red lights
Is it the tail lights of an aeroplane?
I occasionally see a helicopter outside
Are they coming to take me away?
Am I ill?
I’m supposed to be a member of the community
Living in the community
With the community
But four walls hem me in
Periodically alarms go off
I get woken up at 8 o’clock
Told to go to bed at 12 midnight
I share a kitchen and washing facilities
There’s a shared television room
A shared pool car
I know where I am
I wish I wasn’t here
I wish I was in a normal situation
I wish I was in control
I wish I was in control of where I was

Fright

I’ve locked myself away
Four walls keep me hidden
It’s all my own fault
The more I’m under the covers
The harder it gets
The more frightening it gets

The curtains are always closed
I’m scared of people
Frightened of reality
Ashamed of the label
I’m not behaving normally
I’m not dealing with my problems
I’m not in control of my future
Non involvement preordains my destiny
Not a happy one at that
It’s frightening and shameful
A viscous circle
A plan for life can break the cycle
Self worth brings self confidence
It’s such a chicken and egg situation

I’ve lost my self confidence
I don’t know what to say to people
I’m not happy
I don’t know when I’ll ever be happy
Negative thoughts keep going round and round
Perpetual motion

That’s bi-polar affective mood disorder
Constant activity when manic
Catatonic when depressed
It’s frightful and it’s frightening
I’ve been through it before fourteen times
I’ve eventually come out with a smile
There is hope
I’ll see you on the other side

General Infection

The 2010 General Election
Has resulted in a new direction
No one party has overall majority
Liberal Democrats hold power as a minority

Let’s hope for proportional representation
A truer reflection of the views of the nation
Better conditions for the poor
A National Health Service cure

The first Green seat has come to pass
The environment debated meaningfully at last
Carbon footprint measurement everywhere
As well as the level of Carbon Dioxide in the air

We spent millions on an election
Yet an Exit Poll produced perfect result detection
Why did we spend millions on an election?
When we always get let down by our selection

A lack of transparency and integrity
Fiddling expenses for their prosperity
A huge pension, a huge wage
A probable peerage when they leave the stage

Yet 65% of the Electoral Roll voted
And the radical view of the Sun was quoted
The Electoral system took it’s knocks
As people were turned away from the ballot box

Are you left wondering why?
This country will slowly die
When the people in power
Are such a useless shower

But the alternative is difficult to contemplate
A fascist state lying in wait
Communism is outdated and gone for ever
And politics means lies and deceit on the never never

You know it’s time for a change
Time for something strange
For the people to take control
And pull this country out of it’s hole

There are two main things that need to be resolved
Banks need to be devolved and controlled
People need to start to care
And to love each other everywhere

Back to the Sixties is where we should go
And Flower Power is what we should show
“Power To The People” did Cliff rejoice
Let the “Melting Pot” be mixed together out of choice

I’m sounding more and more like a politician
I keep going on and on
But the one thing we must reject out of hand
Is burying our heads in the sand

Good or Bad

6 million for a John Lewis advert
400 million for a Scottish Parliament
1 thousand for a top club’s season ticket
2 thousand to join a golf club
Petrol 1 pound 20 a litre
Food thrown away by supermarkets
Everybody has to have the latest model
We’re all fools rushing in
Let’s socially network with thousands
6 hundred on a party frock
2 hundred on a pair of shoes with a label
Everybody’s happy if you are happy

What about the starving in Africa?
Stray dogs, abandoned pets
Those sitting in their chair without a friend
The unemployed, the ill, the imprisoned
Those without self esteem, the bullied
Children without parents
Parents who’ve lost children
Those praying for life
Those praying for death

Life is about sadness and happiness
Which side of the fence are you at?
I’d rather be happy and poor
Than wealthy and sad

Society has a lot to answer for
Let’s go back in time
Let’s be a community again
Let’s care for each other
Let’s kick this credit based society
Into touch

I Wish

Memories of the past bring me down
Wherever I am they’re always there
A yoke around my neck
A bungee rope attached to my waist
Holding me back from the future

I shop at the local Tesco Extra
Reminding me of my stupidity
I’m banned from other shops
I wish I’d never shoplifted
My dreams from reality

I walk a mile up hill
With splitting plastic shopping bags
Almost brought to my knees
My feet ache with bone disease
I wish I’d never got drunk

A bottle of whiskey to take the pain away
A good session to relieve me from stress
A licence lost through a farmer’s fence
I wish I’d never had a helicopter ride
I wish I’d used my common sense

A lost job, a lost career
A decline in personal wealth
A regular visit to Aldi instead of M&S
Losing my friends and family
Losing my stability and self esteem

Memories of the past bring me down
I wish I had amnesia
I wish I could make a fresh start
I wish my wishes would come true
In the mean time I’ll struggle on
Looking for answers

Lost Time

I wonder where the hours go?
Where happy memories hide?
Everyday should uniquely glow
As the clock hands glide

As my death bell rings
I look back at opportunities wasted
I haven’t heard the birds sing
And I regret the things I haven’t tasted

Exponentially my overdraft increases
As personal items reduce in worth
I wish I’d paid more attention to life’s thesis
And given more value to my time on Earth

It’s not too late for me to change
To be happier with my inner self
For my mood to be rearranged
To be content with my Mental Health

Happiness makes me forget the passage of time
Ignore the wrinkles on my skin
Times will once again be sublime
When I’m reunited with my kin

Personal Victory

I sold my store today Oh Lord
A 1.5 billion financial reward
Of late my health has been flawed
But I’ll become honorary Chair of the Board

Twice a day my Palace I did roam
Making sure expensive items sparkled like chrome
I wanted to be buried in a glass dome
The top floor in a gold sarcophagus my final home

The recent death of my brother struck me with pain
The need to be with my grandchildren became plain
The death of a Princess and my son was treated with disdain
They haven’t awarded me with a British passport yet again

The well off bought my hampers for quality
Whilst poor tourists purchased a named carrier bag with glee
But now my fame and notoriety are behind me
And on Wednesday I hope my football team will seize Europa League victory

Lost In Gigha

I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
I was lost in Gigha
You gave me an almighty shove

I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
I was lost in Gigha
Looking at the stars above

I was lost in Gigha
My emotions needed changing
I was lost in Gigha
My mind needed re-arranging

I look at you
A different woman
I was lost in Gigha
In love with what i do

I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love

Don’t treat me with neglect
Don’t treat me with disrespect
Don’t treat me with respect
Don’t treat me at all

I’m moving on
To Mull

I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love

Throw Me Out

Throw me out
Ignore me
Leave me
In a corner
Pen me
Imprison me

Like a rat in a cage
With other rats
Squirming

Take my dignity
Take away my soul
My heart
My hope
My dreams
Take my freedom too

Thank Allah
That freedom is in my mind
It always will be
Ingrained in tablets of stone

You deport my friends and I
You fly us out
To pain, death and fear
At eight million a year
What a waste

But you don’t care
You like it
You put a ring on it

I’m not a rat
I’m a human being
Even rats show compassion
For their own

Are you fit enough
To be called a rat?

My Flower Of Hope

You are my cyclamen
My oasis in the desert
Blushing with life
Breathing, pulsating
Yet still and auspicious
Trapped as a moment in time
I’m reassured
By your whispy pink blossom
My thoughts turn to a painting
To a moment in time
I think of you
And I smile

Reality Check

It wasn’t my fault
I didn’t kill
All the Ethiopians
They have no choice
It’s nothing
To do with me
God’s got his reasons
Reasons for everything

Bob Geldof is alright
He fed the world
He did everything he could

Governments do nothing
Except steal the world

What can we do?

Tell those in power
The bureaucracies
The dictators
The governments
Those democratically elected
By us
How to do it
What to do
When to do it

Get off our backsides
Forget about holidaying in Spain
Forget about self satisfaction
Forget about one-self
Start considering others
Let’s begin our journey
Start thinking, talking, moving
Let’s have lots and lots
Of A C T I O N
Let’s get real

Recipe For A Man

Recipe for a man
A Porsche, a Lotus Elan
A bimbo, breasts on show
One large mirror, lights down low
Mix them all together
In barbecue weather
Stick them in the oven
At gas mark seven
Out comes a dude who thought he was Tom Cruise
Suddenly scarred, battered and bruised
Who’s hopefully not quite as arrogant, ignorant and dense
Who’s learned from the experience
Not to covet another man’s wife
And to acknowledge his good fortune in life
For instead of posting a story
Through every village door concerning his glory
The next man the dude’s throat he will slit
Tom Cruise will painfully die drip by drip
And have no fear
I won’t shed a tear

The Very Next Day

Same place, same time, same tree
But definitely not a day
For groundhogs

I’m sitting on my window sill
Staring into space
It’s raining

Yesterday it was sunny
I glance intently
At my Bonsai tree
With admiration
Has it changed?

As usual there’s music playing
In the background
I’m chilled
“You Are My Everything”
My tree looks magnificent
Solid, robust, regal
It looks as if it will be
There forever
Here forever

The sunlight’s not on the trunk
But the rain hasn’t changed the tree
It is still a tree
It is still a great tree
It is still part of nature
And life is special

Fleetingly a rabbit hops into view
And disappears behind a bush
My heart melts
I give it a name
I call it “Radish”

It’s pouring with rain
I watch the swallows swooping
Round corners of old farm buildings

The rain makes no difference
To my mood
It’s the same as yesterday
I’m chilled
In fact I’m horizontal
Life is crucial
Life is real
But I don’t need to control it
And it doesn’t need to control me
Instant karma

I bet you wonder
What type of tree my Bonsai is
I’m not going to tell you
Why don’t you take a trip
To Argyll and Bute Hospital
To a peaceful Fir Grove
And see

Better still
Why don’t you find
Your own Bonsai tree
Perhaps then you’ll find
Instant karma
Peace with the world
Like me