Ironing Out The Rough Spots

Ironing is like life
Background music helps
As long as you like the music

Ironing is like life
A little bit of practice
Gives improvement and enjoyment

Ironing is like life
Smile when doing it
You’ll enjoy it more

Ironing is like life
If you don’t try it
You don’t know whether you can do it

Like putting creases in dress trousers
Impossible!
Take them to the dry cleaners

Ironing is like life
With patience and perseverance
You can do it

Ironing is like life
Some things are impossible to do
So you get help

Ironing is like life
Set a routine same time every day every week
It gets easier

Ironing is like life
Do it for your children
You won’t be embarrassed and neither will they

Ironing is like life
Children have to do it themselves eventually
When they get older they need to learn to iron

Ironing is like life
If you do it for too many people
They’ll take advantage of you

I’m Alive Again

The Black Dog
Consumed me
In Argyll & Bute

I came
I saw
I conquered

68, a computer
A fiendishly devilish thing
I learnt
I typed
Epic poems

Letting out my soul
My anger
My repression
My depression
My feelings

Self worth returned

I came
I saw
I conquered

Once more
People are listening to me
I’m alive again!

Alan Campbell, 17/6/09

I Want To Break Free

I want to break free
I’m so self satisfied
Far too focussed
Too selfish
Too me me me

My Consultant Psychiatrist knows
I want to break free
This time she knows
It’s for real

It’s strange but it’s true
Mental Illness
Doesn’t make me feel blue

I have to be sure
That when I walk out
Those locked doors
I have to be free

But life still goes on
I can’t get used to myself
I don’t want to live on my own
God knows

My Consultant Psychiatrist knows
And God knows
I’ve got to make it on my own

So can’t you see
I’ve got to break free

Flower Forecasting

A season comes, a season goes
Extremes of weather bring mighty blows
Straining uncontrollable rivers overflow
Torrential downpours result in soil flow
Late frosts make yields low

No Sun so insect pollination slows
Yet the keen gardener always knows
How to deal with the weather’s woes
The seeds of nature continue to be sowed
And flowers throughout the year glow

January clumps of snowdrops so white
February daffodils cascade their light
March crocuses battle frost bite
April bluebells wooded floors blight
May yellow gorse prickly fright
June strawberry plants obey their flowering rights

July algal blooms suffocate lakes at their height
August blue hydrangeas’ erect and not contrite
September fir cones scattered so trite
October Autumn reds and browns a marvellous sight
November a solitary pink Winter rose in all its might
December brings the primrose so bright

Nature is always ready for a fight

Agnes Needs Help

Free Agnes the Bank Nurse
From swear words and much worse
Thirty seven years of peeling potatoes
That’s the way “Respect” shows and love grows

Agnes gets up a couple of days a week
To provide thrills and spills for the meek
A hand of cards and a little tender loving care
A game of charades, laying personal worries bare

Agnes doesn’t care what they say from above
She won’t stay in a world without love
She can’t live in a world with swear words
Not appreciating life and the flight of swallows and other birds

Agnes has always done good things
Never done bad things
She makes a difference to those that matter
She makes a difference with her smile!

When I’m 67

Some say Sally works hard
I tend to disagree
When Harley catches her off guard
She’s always drinking tea

She gets home to Gable
At half past three
The dinners on the table
And so is a cup of tea

Gable is so helpful
He made Sally’s clothes horse into shelves
Frankly they look awful
She’s beside herself

Gable has his TV and computer
Sally her church friends
She’s looking for a new suitor
The pantomime of life never ends

My Wife Mary

A life of joy
I was by her side for 37 years
I met her at a dance at North Connel
Peter told me that his sister had no suitor

Mary was an analyst
She made drugs from seaweed
Soon after we met she developed MS

At 52 she went into a Nursing Home
For 4 years and 8 months
I saw her twice a day

Some Guys Have All The Luck

Some guys have all the luck
Ending up in an institute
Some girls have all the luck too
For living life the way they want to

Give us a chance to be normal again
To live our lives as one of them
Mental illness is a condition not a crime
So why do we feel paranoid and discriminated against all the time

Some people have all the luck
Some people have all the breaks
They get pissed every weekend in the wars
And do naughty things behind closed doors

They manage to steer clear
Of the Mental Health system
Killing babies, passing the buck
And society doesn’t give a f***
Now that’s what I call bad luck

Summer Time Blues

Whenever I’m sad
Whenever I’m blue
Whenever my troubles are heavy
At The Tyne Centre music session
I play the accordion
Just like Freddie

Troubles may come
Troubles may go
You’ll always find me ready
Upon the wooded hill
Cutting up trees still
Just like Freddie

Whenever I frown
Whenever I’m down
Whenever my feet are weary
I’ll dream of the Sun
Of pharaohs and Egyptian fun
Just like Freddie

Managers may come
Managers may go
Whenever their attitude is sleazy
Residents empty the wards
On guided woodland walks
Just for Freddie

Come on everybody
Strim the grass
Weed the pass
Build a tool shed
Plant a flower bed
Load a wheel barrow
On the straight and narrow
Lay down the gravel
Let your worries unravel
For both yourselves and for Freddie

Whenever I’m sad
Whenever I’m blue
Whenever my troubles are heavy
I smile to myself
Over my improving mental health
And thank God for Freddie

Planet Zog

I come from planet Zog
I want to walk down the pub

Go to a restaurant
Without people staring at me
Walk down the street
Without glancing over my shoulder

I come from planet Zog
I want to put 10k on a gee gee
I want to break free
I want to be me

I come from planet Zog
I want to be able to say
What I want
How I want
What I want

I want to be free
I want to be me
So don’t lock me away
In a mental institution

I may have problems
But it’s not the only answer
I do have problems
But it’s not the best answer

I don’t come from planet Zog
I come from planet Earth

I don’t demand much in life
But please let me be treated as normal
Just like you!!!

Man In Black

.

He used to be a pillar of society
But now he’s just famous for his notoriety

Less than nine million pounds a year
Results in a disgruntled grimace and lear

There’s a massive credit crunch
Yet he’s out on an all expenses paid lunch

He’s gambling our hard earned savings
On financial advisor ravings

He argues for his huge bonus
Yet when we’re in debt he refuses to phone us

All we get is an answer machine and inaction
And a computer charging for an unsuccessful transaction

Our society is based on credit and debt
Yet it’s never the man in black who frets

How can he lose twenty two billion
And still believe he’s one in a million

Off he goes to live on his considerable pension
After taxpayers are forced to provide financial intervention

Why are people who don’t toe the line
Not imprisoned for committing such heinous crimes

Bank managers used to be pillars of society
Now they’re just famous for their notoriety

.
Too Much Pressure

Too much pressure
Bearing down on me
What can I do?

Watching good friends scream and shout
Saying let me out
Waiting for just one friend to come and see me
For a chat and a cup of tea
My brain’s all mixed up

I need to chill out
Relax on an island
With the one I love

Growing to love my inner self
Accepting the past
Living the now
Planning the future

Too much pressure
After 84 days of captivity
Won’t you please set me free