A Bunch of Bananas
One off resettlement payments for losing their job
It’s disgusting to reward this dishonest mob
14K to close their office and a year’s salary of 66K
Plus an annual pension between 7 and 43 thousand to go away
First banana won’t be paid if committed of fraud
Second banana will still receive a yearly First Minister 138K reward
Third banana only served as an MP for two years
Fourth banana dubbed the country’s laziest MP to jeers
One banana two banana three banana four
Please don’t take the pi** out of me any more
Giz a Job, I could do that
At least I’d be rich even if I acted like a tw**
Saturday, 15 May 2010
My Ultimate Nightmare
Maggie’s Conservative Government
Exposure to a nuclear bomb
Being pummelled by Max Bygraves
Losing my paper boy round
Failing my driving test for the tenth time
Being a Detective
Being a Birmingham City fan
Losing to Manchester United at Wembley
Not one of these tragedies is significant
Compared to my most vivid nightmare
They terrify me
Locked in a small room
Swathed in darkness
No opening windows
A fearful buzzing sound
Magnified by my fear
Such small things
So quick and deadly
I’m covered in strawberry jam
They crawl all over my skin
Where are my clothes?
The needle going in and out
Yellow and black stripes
Where have they been before
Covered in deadly germs
Nowhere to escape
A thick metal door
A panic room
With no key
No specified time limit
A challenge
No £100,000 prize for endurance
Just survival
I’m sweating profusely
I feel blindly for the newspaper
Fold it in half
At last a good use for The Sun
I swat at the walls constantly
Bad mistake
I’m bound to miss
I imagine the searing pain
Sure enough it’s extreme
Never ending
What a great method of torture
I must tell the CIA
It’s said that once one attacks
They all join in
Something to do with the smell of fear
The need to protect their leader
Can you imagine such a situation?
A locked room
Full of wasps
How would you cope?
Maggie’s Conservative Government
Exposure to a nuclear bomb
Being pummelled by Max Bygraves
Losing my paper boy round
Failing my driving test for the tenth time
Being a Detective
Being a Birmingham City fan
Losing to Manchester United at Wembley
Not one of these tragedies is significant
Compared to my most vivid nightmare
They terrify me
Locked in a small room
Swathed in darkness
No opening windows
A fearful buzzing sound
Magnified by my fear
Such small things
So quick and deadly
I’m covered in strawberry jam
They crawl all over my skin
Where are my clothes?
The needle going in and out
Yellow and black stripes
Where have they been before
Covered in deadly germs
Nowhere to escape
A thick metal door
A panic room
With no key
No specified time limit
A challenge
No £100,000 prize for endurance
Just survival
I’m sweating profusely
I feel blindly for the newspaper
Fold it in half
At last a good use for The Sun
I swat at the walls constantly
Bad mistake
I’m bound to miss
I imagine the searing pain
Sure enough it’s extreme
Never ending
What a great method of torture
I must tell the CIA
It’s said that once one attacks
They all join in
Something to do with the smell of fear
The need to protect their leader
Can you imagine such a situation?
A locked room
Full of wasps
How would you cope?
Solitary Confinement
Being on my own
Is never easy
The long term thought
Makes me queasy
In deep conversation
With my solitary self
In everyday situations
People question my mental health
Cooking and eating alone
Is not much fun
Supermarkets cater for families
Everything’s more expensive to run
Lack of money doesn’t help
Unemployment brings despair
Illness, pain and lack of mobility
Yet the cupboards are bare
Sitting in an empty chair
Waiting for the phone to ring
Staring out the window in a daze
Listening to the birds sing
Aged without a family
My only company my TV
Waiting for door to door salesman
To knock and give me a little joviality
Confined to bed
My only daily contact
A short community nurse visit
My memories intact
If I had the chance
To live my life again
I’d be permanently jolly
And go out and find myself some friends
Being on my own
Is never easy
The long term thought
Makes me queasy
In deep conversation
With my solitary self
In everyday situations
People question my mental health
Cooking and eating alone
Is not much fun
Supermarkets cater for families
Everything’s more expensive to run
Lack of money doesn’t help
Unemployment brings despair
Illness, pain and lack of mobility
Yet the cupboards are bare
Sitting in an empty chair
Waiting for the phone to ring
Staring out the window in a daze
Listening to the birds sing
Aged without a family
My only company my TV
Waiting for door to door salesman
To knock and give me a little joviality
Confined to bed
My only daily contact
A short community nurse visit
My memories intact
If I had the chance
To live my life again
I’d be permanently jolly
And go out and find myself some friends
Wednesday, 12 May 2010
Cross Section
Cross Section
Reminds me of Woodwork at school
I always came last
Cross Section
Reminds me of dissecting rats
I didn’t enjoy it
Cross Section
Yes I do get angry
When people stop me doing things
52, 117, 9
Inner or outer circle
Nothing like time spent on a bus
Cross Section
Holidays to Cuba and Majorca cancelled
£1,600 lost; yet more anger
Cross Section
A consultant, Social Worker, the police get involved
I have no choice, no control
72 hours, 28 days, 6 months, 12 months
Long stretches keep my future at bay
They take my hope away
I wouldn’t mind if the system made a personal difference
It’s always too little, too late
And now I have little left
I’ve lost my job, my stability
My wealth, my family
My integrity, my confidence
I wish they’d interfered at the right time
Controlled my spending and my mood
Controlled my dreams
The horse has bolted
With effort I can get my life back
I can live happily every after
I don’t ever want to be cross again
I don’t ever want to be sectioned again
I just want personal stability
I just want Karma
Cross Section
Reminds me of Woodwork at school
I always came last
Cross Section
Reminds me of dissecting rats
I didn’t enjoy it
Cross Section
Yes I do get angry
When people stop me doing things
52, 117, 9
Inner or outer circle
Nothing like time spent on a bus
Cross Section
Holidays to Cuba and Majorca cancelled
£1,600 lost; yet more anger
Cross Section
A consultant, Social Worker, the police get involved
I have no choice, no control
72 hours, 28 days, 6 months, 12 months
Long stretches keep my future at bay
They take my hope away
I wouldn’t mind if the system made a personal difference
It’s always too little, too late
And now I have little left
I’ve lost my job, my stability
My wealth, my family
My integrity, my confidence
I wish they’d interfered at the right time
Controlled my spending and my mood
Controlled my dreams
The horse has bolted
With effort I can get my life back
I can live happily every after
I don’t ever want to be cross again
I don’t ever want to be sectioned again
I just want personal stability
I just want Karma
Where Am I?
It’s boiling hot and stuffy
I cannot open the windows in Summer
Midges would bite me to death
I lie on my bed
I see two flashing red lights
Is it the tail lights of an aeroplane?
I occasionally see a helicopter outside
Are they coming to take me away?
Am I ill?
I’m supposed to be a member of the community
Living in the community
With the community
But four walls hem me in
Periodically alarms go off
I get woken up at 8 o’clock
Told to go to bed at 12 midnight
I share a kitchen and washing facilities
There’s a shared television room
A shared pool car
I know where I am
I wish I wasn’t here
I wish I was in a normal situation
I wish I was in control
I wish I was in control of where I was
It’s boiling hot and stuffy
I cannot open the windows in Summer
Midges would bite me to death
I lie on my bed
I see two flashing red lights
Is it the tail lights of an aeroplane?
I occasionally see a helicopter outside
Are they coming to take me away?
Am I ill?
I’m supposed to be a member of the community
Living in the community
With the community
But four walls hem me in
Periodically alarms go off
I get woken up at 8 o’clock
Told to go to bed at 12 midnight
I share a kitchen and washing facilities
There’s a shared television room
A shared pool car
I know where I am
I wish I wasn’t here
I wish I was in a normal situation
I wish I was in control
I wish I was in control of where I was
Fright
I’ve locked myself away
Four walls keep me hidden
It’s all my own fault
The more I’m under the covers
The harder it gets
The more frightening it gets
The curtains are always closed
I’m scared of people
Frightened of reality
Ashamed of the label
I’m not behaving normally
I’m not dealing with my problems
I’m not in control of my future
Non involvement preordains my destiny
Not a happy one at that
It’s frightening and shameful
A viscous circle
A plan for life can break the cycle
Self worth brings self confidence
It’s such a chicken and egg situation
I’ve lost my self confidence
I don’t know what to say to people
I’m not happy
I don’t know when I’ll ever be happy
Negative thoughts keep going round and round
Perpetual motion
That’s bi-polar affective mood disorder
Constant activity when manic
Catatonic when depressed
It’s frightful and it’s frightening
I’ve been through it before fourteen times
I’ve eventually come out with a smile
There is hope
I’ll see you on the other side
I’ve locked myself away
Four walls keep me hidden
It’s all my own fault
The more I’m under the covers
The harder it gets
The more frightening it gets
The curtains are always closed
I’m scared of people
Frightened of reality
Ashamed of the label
I’m not behaving normally
I’m not dealing with my problems
I’m not in control of my future
Non involvement preordains my destiny
Not a happy one at that
It’s frightening and shameful
A viscous circle
A plan for life can break the cycle
Self worth brings self confidence
It’s such a chicken and egg situation
I’ve lost my self confidence
I don’t know what to say to people
I’m not happy
I don’t know when I’ll ever be happy
Negative thoughts keep going round and round
Perpetual motion
That’s bi-polar affective mood disorder
Constant activity when manic
Catatonic when depressed
It’s frightful and it’s frightening
I’ve been through it before fourteen times
I’ve eventually come out with a smile
There is hope
I’ll see you on the other side
General Infection
The 2010 General Election
Has resulted in a new direction
No one party has overall majority
Liberal Democrats hold power as a minority
Let’s hope for proportional representation
A truer reflection of the views of the nation
Better conditions for the poor
A National Health Service cure
The first Green seat has come to pass
The environment debated meaningfully at last
Carbon footprint measurement everywhere
As well as the level of Carbon Dioxide in the air
We spent millions on an election
Yet an Exit Poll produced perfect result detection
Why did we spend millions on an election?
When we always get let down by our selection
A lack of transparency and integrity
Fiddling expenses for their prosperity
A huge pension, a huge wage
A probable peerage when they leave the stage
Yet 65% of the Electoral Roll voted
And the radical view of the Sun was quoted
The Electoral system took it’s knocks
As people were turned away from the ballot box
Are you left wondering why?
This country will slowly die
When the people in power
Are such a useless shower
But the alternative is difficult to contemplate
A fascist state lying in wait
Communism is outdated and gone for ever
And politics means lies and deceit on the never never
You know it’s time for a change
Time for something strange
For the people to take control
And pull this country out of it’s hole
There are two main things that need to be resolved
Banks need to be devolved and controlled
People need to start to care
And to love each other everywhere
Back to the Sixties is where we should go
And Flower Power is what we should show
“Power To The People” did Cliff rejoice
Let the “Melting Pot” be mixed together out of choice
I’m sounding more and more like a politician
I keep going on and on
But the one thing we must reject out of hand
Is burying our heads in the sand
The 2010 General Election
Has resulted in a new direction
No one party has overall majority
Liberal Democrats hold power as a minority
Let’s hope for proportional representation
A truer reflection of the views of the nation
Better conditions for the poor
A National Health Service cure
The first Green seat has come to pass
The environment debated meaningfully at last
Carbon footprint measurement everywhere
As well as the level of Carbon Dioxide in the air
We spent millions on an election
Yet an Exit Poll produced perfect result detection
Why did we spend millions on an election?
When we always get let down by our selection
A lack of transparency and integrity
Fiddling expenses for their prosperity
A huge pension, a huge wage
A probable peerage when they leave the stage
Yet 65% of the Electoral Roll voted
And the radical view of the Sun was quoted
The Electoral system took it’s knocks
As people were turned away from the ballot box
Are you left wondering why?
This country will slowly die
When the people in power
Are such a useless shower
But the alternative is difficult to contemplate
A fascist state lying in wait
Communism is outdated and gone for ever
And politics means lies and deceit on the never never
You know it’s time for a change
Time for something strange
For the people to take control
And pull this country out of it’s hole
There are two main things that need to be resolved
Banks need to be devolved and controlled
People need to start to care
And to love each other everywhere
Back to the Sixties is where we should go
And Flower Power is what we should show
“Power To The People” did Cliff rejoice
Let the “Melting Pot” be mixed together out of choice
I’m sounding more and more like a politician
I keep going on and on
But the one thing we must reject out of hand
Is burying our heads in the sand
Good or Bad
6 million for a John Lewis advert
400 million for a Scottish Parliament
1 thousand for a top club’s season ticket
2 thousand to join a golf club
Petrol 1 pound 20 a litre
Food thrown away by supermarkets
Everybody has to have the latest model
We’re all fools rushing in
Let’s socially network with thousands
6 hundred on a party frock
2 hundred on a pair of shoes with a label
Everybody’s happy if you are happy
What about the starving in Africa?
Stray dogs, abandoned pets
Those sitting in their chair without a friend
The unemployed, the ill, the imprisoned
Those without self esteem, the bullied
Children without parents
Parents who’ve lost children
Those praying for life
Those praying for death
Life is about sadness and happiness
Which side of the fence are you at?
I’d rather be happy and poor
Than wealthy and sad
Society has a lot to answer for
Let’s go back in time
Let’s be a community again
Let’s care for each other
Let’s kick this credit based society
Into touch
6 million for a John Lewis advert
400 million for a Scottish Parliament
1 thousand for a top club’s season ticket
2 thousand to join a golf club
Petrol 1 pound 20 a litre
Food thrown away by supermarkets
Everybody has to have the latest model
We’re all fools rushing in
Let’s socially network with thousands
6 hundred on a party frock
2 hundred on a pair of shoes with a label
Everybody’s happy if you are happy
What about the starving in Africa?
Stray dogs, abandoned pets
Those sitting in their chair without a friend
The unemployed, the ill, the imprisoned
Those without self esteem, the bullied
Children without parents
Parents who’ve lost children
Those praying for life
Those praying for death
Life is about sadness and happiness
Which side of the fence are you at?
I’d rather be happy and poor
Than wealthy and sad
Society has a lot to answer for
Let’s go back in time
Let’s be a community again
Let’s care for each other
Let’s kick this credit based society
Into touch
I Wish
Memories of the past bring me down
Wherever I am they’re always there
A yoke around my neck
A bungee rope attached to my waist
Holding me back from the future
I shop at the local Tesco Extra
Reminding me of my stupidity
I’m banned from other shops
I wish I’d never shoplifted
My dreams from reality
I walk a mile up hill
With splitting plastic shopping bags
Almost brought to my knees
My feet ache with bone disease
I wish I’d never got drunk
A bottle of whiskey to take the pain away
A good session to relieve me from stress
A licence lost through a farmer’s fence
I wish I’d never had a helicopter ride
I wish I’d used my common sense
A lost job, a lost career
A decline in personal wealth
A regular visit to Aldi instead of M&S
Losing my friends and family
Losing my stability and self esteem
Memories of the past bring me down
I wish I had amnesia
I wish I could make a fresh start
I wish my wishes would come true
In the mean time I’ll struggle on
Looking for answers
Memories of the past bring me down
Wherever I am they’re always there
A yoke around my neck
A bungee rope attached to my waist
Holding me back from the future
I shop at the local Tesco Extra
Reminding me of my stupidity
I’m banned from other shops
I wish I’d never shoplifted
My dreams from reality
I walk a mile up hill
With splitting plastic shopping bags
Almost brought to my knees
My feet ache with bone disease
I wish I’d never got drunk
A bottle of whiskey to take the pain away
A good session to relieve me from stress
A licence lost through a farmer’s fence
I wish I’d never had a helicopter ride
I wish I’d used my common sense
A lost job, a lost career
A decline in personal wealth
A regular visit to Aldi instead of M&S
Losing my friends and family
Losing my stability and self esteem
Memories of the past bring me down
I wish I had amnesia
I wish I could make a fresh start
I wish my wishes would come true
In the mean time I’ll struggle on
Looking for answers
Lost Time
I wonder where the hours go?
Where happy memories hide?
Everyday should uniquely glow
As the clock hands glide
As my death bell rings
I look back at opportunities wasted
I haven’t heard the birds sing
And I regret the things I haven’t tasted
Exponentially my overdraft increases
As personal items reduce in worth
I wish I’d paid more attention to life’s thesis
And given more value to my time on Earth
It’s not too late for me to change
To be happier with my inner self
For my mood to be rearranged
To be content with my Mental Health
Happiness makes me forget the passage of time
Ignore the wrinkles on my skin
Times will once again be sublime
When I’m reunited with my kin
I wonder where the hours go?
Where happy memories hide?
Everyday should uniquely glow
As the clock hands glide
As my death bell rings
I look back at opportunities wasted
I haven’t heard the birds sing
And I regret the things I haven’t tasted
Exponentially my overdraft increases
As personal items reduce in worth
I wish I’d paid more attention to life’s thesis
And given more value to my time on Earth
It’s not too late for me to change
To be happier with my inner self
For my mood to be rearranged
To be content with my Mental Health
Happiness makes me forget the passage of time
Ignore the wrinkles on my skin
Times will once again be sublime
When I’m reunited with my kin
Personal Victory
I sold my store today Oh Lord
A 1.5 billion financial reward
Of late my health has been flawed
But I’ll become honorary Chair of the Board
Twice a day my Palace I did roam
Making sure expensive items sparkled like chrome
I wanted to be buried in a glass dome
The top floor in a gold sarcophagus my final home
The recent death of my brother struck me with pain
The need to be with my grandchildren became plain
The death of a Princess and my son was treated with disdain
They haven’t awarded me with a British passport yet again
The well off bought my hampers for quality
Whilst poor tourists purchased a named carrier bag with glee
But now my fame and notoriety are behind me
And on Wednesday I hope my football team will seize Europa League victory
I sold my store today Oh Lord
A 1.5 billion financial reward
Of late my health has been flawed
But I’ll become honorary Chair of the Board
Twice a day my Palace I did roam
Making sure expensive items sparkled like chrome
I wanted to be buried in a glass dome
The top floor in a gold sarcophagus my final home
The recent death of my brother struck me with pain
The need to be with my grandchildren became plain
The death of a Princess and my son was treated with disdain
They haven’t awarded me with a British passport yet again
The well off bought my hampers for quality
Whilst poor tourists purchased a named carrier bag with glee
But now my fame and notoriety are behind me
And on Wednesday I hope my football team will seize Europa League victory
Monday, 10 May 2010
Lost In Gigha
I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
I was lost in Gigha
You gave me an almighty shove
I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
I was lost in Gigha
Looking at the stars above
I was lost in Gigha
My emotions needed changing
I was lost in Gigha
My mind needed re-arranging
I look at you
A different woman
I was lost in Gigha
In love with what i do
I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
Don’t treat me with neglect
Don’t treat me with disrespect
Don’t treat me with respect
Don’t treat me at all
I’m moving on
To Mull
I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
I was lost in Gigha
You gave me an almighty shove
I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
I was lost in Gigha
Looking at the stars above
I was lost in Gigha
My emotions needed changing
I was lost in Gigha
My mind needed re-arranging
I look at you
A different woman
I was lost in Gigha
In love with what i do
I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
Don’t treat me with neglect
Don’t treat me with disrespect
Don’t treat me with respect
Don’t treat me at all
I’m moving on
To Mull
I was lost in Gigha
Lost and in love
Throw Me Out
Throw me out
Ignore me
Leave me
In a corner
Pen me
Imprison me
Like a rat in a cage
With other rats
Squirming
Take my dignity
Take away my soul
My heart
My hope
My dreams
Take my freedom too
Thank Allah
That freedom is in my mind
It always will be
Ingrained in tablets of stone
You deport my friends and I
You fly us out
To pain, death and fear
At eight million a year
What a waste
But you don’t care
You like it
You put a ring on it
I’m not a rat
I’m a human being
Even rats show compassion
For their own
Are you fit enough
To be called a rat?
Throw me out
Ignore me
Leave me
In a corner
Pen me
Imprison me
Like a rat in a cage
With other rats
Squirming
Take my dignity
Take away my soul
My heart
My hope
My dreams
Take my freedom too
Thank Allah
That freedom is in my mind
It always will be
Ingrained in tablets of stone
You deport my friends and I
You fly us out
To pain, death and fear
At eight million a year
What a waste
But you don’t care
You like it
You put a ring on it
I’m not a rat
I’m a human being
Even rats show compassion
For their own
Are you fit enough
To be called a rat?
Reality Check
It wasn’t my fault
I didn’t kill
All the Ethiopians
They have no choice
It’s nothing
To do with me
God’s got his reasons
Reasons for everything
Bob Geldof is alright
He fed the world
He did everything he could
Governments do nothing
Except steal the world
What can we do?
Tell those in power
The bureaucracies
The dictators
The governments
Those democratically elected
By us
How to do it
What to do
When to do it
Get off our backsides
Forget about holidaying in Spain
Forget about self satisfaction
Forget about one-self
Start considering others
Let’s begin our journey
Start thinking, talking, moving
Let’s have lots and lots
Of A C T I O N
Let’s get real
It wasn’t my fault
I didn’t kill
All the Ethiopians
They have no choice
It’s nothing
To do with me
God’s got his reasons
Reasons for everything
Bob Geldof is alright
He fed the world
He did everything he could
Governments do nothing
Except steal the world
What can we do?
Tell those in power
The bureaucracies
The dictators
The governments
Those democratically elected
By us
How to do it
What to do
When to do it
Get off our backsides
Forget about holidaying in Spain
Forget about self satisfaction
Forget about one-self
Start considering others
Let’s begin our journey
Start thinking, talking, moving
Let’s have lots and lots
Of A C T I O N
Let’s get real
Recipe For A Man
Recipe for a man
A Porsche, a Lotus Elan
A bimbo, breasts on show
One large mirror, lights down low
Mix them all together
In barbecue weather
Stick them in the oven
At gas mark seven
Out comes a dude who thought he was Tom Cruise
Suddenly scarred, battered and bruised
Who’s hopefully not quite as arrogant, ignorant and dense
Who’s learned from the experience
Not to covet another man’s wife
And to acknowledge his good fortune in life
For instead of posting a story
Through every village door concerning his glory
The next man the dude’s throat he will slit
Tom Cruise will painfully die drip by drip
And have no fear
I won’t shed a tear
Recipe for a man
A Porsche, a Lotus Elan
A bimbo, breasts on show
One large mirror, lights down low
Mix them all together
In barbecue weather
Stick them in the oven
At gas mark seven
Out comes a dude who thought he was Tom Cruise
Suddenly scarred, battered and bruised
Who’s hopefully not quite as arrogant, ignorant and dense
Who’s learned from the experience
Not to covet another man’s wife
And to acknowledge his good fortune in life
For instead of posting a story
Through every village door concerning his glory
The next man the dude’s throat he will slit
Tom Cruise will painfully die drip by drip
And have no fear
I won’t shed a tear
The Very Next Day
Same place, same time, same tree
But definitely not a day
For groundhogs
I’m sitting on my window sill
Staring into space
It’s raining
Yesterday it was sunny
I glance intently
At my Bonsai tree
With admiration
Has it changed?
As usual there’s music playing
In the background
I’m chilled
“You Are My Everything”
My tree looks magnificent
Solid, robust, regal
It looks as if it will be
There forever
Here forever
The sunlight’s not on the trunk
But the rain hasn’t changed the tree
It is still a tree
It is still a great tree
It is still part of nature
And life is special
Fleetingly a rabbit hops into view
And disappears behind a bush
My heart melts
I give it a name
I call it “Radish”
It’s pouring with rain
I watch the swallows swooping
Round corners of old farm buildings
The rain makes no difference
To my mood
It’s the same as yesterday
I’m chilled
In fact I’m horizontal
Life is crucial
Life is real
But I don’t need to control it
And it doesn’t need to control me
Instant karma
I bet you wonder
What type of tree my Bonsai is
I’m not going to tell you
Why don’t you take a trip
To Argyll and Bute Hospital
To a peaceful Fir Grove
And see
Better still
Why don’t you find
Your own Bonsai tree
Perhaps then you’ll find
Instant karma
Peace with the world
Like me
Same place, same time, same tree
But definitely not a day
For groundhogs
I’m sitting on my window sill
Staring into space
It’s raining
Yesterday it was sunny
I glance intently
At my Bonsai tree
With admiration
Has it changed?
As usual there’s music playing
In the background
I’m chilled
“You Are My Everything”
My tree looks magnificent
Solid, robust, regal
It looks as if it will be
There forever
Here forever
The sunlight’s not on the trunk
But the rain hasn’t changed the tree
It is still a tree
It is still a great tree
It is still part of nature
And life is special
Fleetingly a rabbit hops into view
And disappears behind a bush
My heart melts
I give it a name
I call it “Radish”
It’s pouring with rain
I watch the swallows swooping
Round corners of old farm buildings
The rain makes no difference
To my mood
It’s the same as yesterday
I’m chilled
In fact I’m horizontal
Life is crucial
Life is real
But I don’t need to control it
And it doesn’t need to control me
Instant karma
I bet you wonder
What type of tree my Bonsai is
I’m not going to tell you
Why don’t you take a trip
To Argyll and Bute Hospital
To a peaceful Fir Grove
And see
Better still
Why don’t you find
Your own Bonsai tree
Perhaps then you’ll find
Instant karma
Peace with the world
Like me
Saturday, 24 April 2010
Ironing Out The Rough Spots
Ironing is like life
Background music helps
As long as you like the music
Ironing is like life
A little bit of practice
Gives improvement and enjoyment
Ironing is like life
Smile when doing it
You’ll enjoy it more
Ironing is like life
If you don’t try it
You don’t know whether you can do it
Like putting creases in dress trousers
Impossible!
Take them to the dry cleaners
Ironing is like life
With patience and perseverance
You can do it
Ironing is like life
Some things are impossible to do
So you get help
Ironing is like life
Set a routine same time every day every week
It gets easier
Ironing is like life
Do it for your children
You won’t be embarrassed and neither will they
Ironing is like life
Children have to do it themselves eventually
When they get older they need to learn to iron
Ironing is like life
If you do it for too many people
They’ll take advantage of you
Ironing is like life
Background music helps
As long as you like the music
Ironing is like life
A little bit of practice
Gives improvement and enjoyment
Ironing is like life
Smile when doing it
You’ll enjoy it more
Ironing is like life
If you don’t try it
You don’t know whether you can do it
Like putting creases in dress trousers
Impossible!
Take them to the dry cleaners
Ironing is like life
With patience and perseverance
You can do it
Ironing is like life
Some things are impossible to do
So you get help
Ironing is like life
Set a routine same time every day every week
It gets easier
Ironing is like life
Do it for your children
You won’t be embarrassed and neither will they
Ironing is like life
Children have to do it themselves eventually
When they get older they need to learn to iron
Ironing is like life
If you do it for too many people
They’ll take advantage of you
I’m Alive Again
The Black Dog
Consumed me
In Argyll & Bute
I came
I saw
I conquered
68, a computer
A fiendishly devilish thing
I learnt
I typed
Epic poems
Letting out my soul
My anger
My repression
My depression
My feelings
Self worth returned
I came
I saw
I conquered
Once more
People are listening to me
I’m alive again!
Alan Campbell, 17/6/09
The Black Dog
Consumed me
In Argyll & Bute
I came
I saw
I conquered
68, a computer
A fiendishly devilish thing
I learnt
I typed
Epic poems
Letting out my soul
My anger
My repression
My depression
My feelings
Self worth returned
I came
I saw
I conquered
Once more
People are listening to me
I’m alive again!
Alan Campbell, 17/6/09
I Want To Break Free
I want to break free
I’m so self satisfied
Far too focussed
Too selfish
Too me me me
My Consultant Psychiatrist knows
I want to break free
This time she knows
It’s for real
It’s strange but it’s true
Mental Illness
Doesn’t make me feel blue
I have to be sure
That when I walk out
Those locked doors
I have to be free
But life still goes on
I can’t get used to myself
I don’t want to live on my own
God knows
My Consultant Psychiatrist knows
And God knows
I’ve got to make it on my own
So can’t you see
I’ve got to break free
I want to break free
I’m so self satisfied
Far too focussed
Too selfish
Too me me me
My Consultant Psychiatrist knows
I want to break free
This time she knows
It’s for real
It’s strange but it’s true
Mental Illness
Doesn’t make me feel blue
I have to be sure
That when I walk out
Those locked doors
I have to be free
But life still goes on
I can’t get used to myself
I don’t want to live on my own
God knows
My Consultant Psychiatrist knows
And God knows
I’ve got to make it on my own
So can’t you see
I’ve got to break free
Flower Forecasting
A season comes, a season goes
Extremes of weather bring mighty blows
Straining uncontrollable rivers overflow
Torrential downpours result in soil flow
Late frosts make yields low
No Sun so insect pollination slows
Yet the keen gardener always knows
How to deal with the weather’s woes
The seeds of nature continue to be sowed
And flowers throughout the year glow
January clumps of snowdrops so white
February daffodils cascade their light
March crocuses battle frost bite
April bluebells wooded floors blight
May yellow gorse prickly fright
June strawberry plants obey their flowering rights
July algal blooms suffocate lakes at their height
August blue hydrangeas’ erect and not contrite
September fir cones scattered so trite
October Autumn reds and browns a marvellous sight
November a solitary pink Winter rose in all its might
December brings the primrose so bright
Nature is always ready for a fight
A season comes, a season goes
Extremes of weather bring mighty blows
Straining uncontrollable rivers overflow
Torrential downpours result in soil flow
Late frosts make yields low
No Sun so insect pollination slows
Yet the keen gardener always knows
How to deal with the weather’s woes
The seeds of nature continue to be sowed
And flowers throughout the year glow
January clumps of snowdrops so white
February daffodils cascade their light
March crocuses battle frost bite
April bluebells wooded floors blight
May yellow gorse prickly fright
June strawberry plants obey their flowering rights
July algal blooms suffocate lakes at their height
August blue hydrangeas’ erect and not contrite
September fir cones scattered so trite
October Autumn reds and browns a marvellous sight
November a solitary pink Winter rose in all its might
December brings the primrose so bright
Nature is always ready for a fight
Agnes Needs Help
Free Agnes the Bank Nurse
From swear words and much worse
Thirty seven years of peeling potatoes
That’s the way “Respect” shows and love grows
Agnes gets up a couple of days a week
To provide thrills and spills for the meek
A hand of cards and a little tender loving care
A game of charades, laying personal worries bare
Agnes doesn’t care what they say from above
She won’t stay in a world without love
She can’t live in a world with swear words
Not appreciating life and the flight of swallows and other birds
Agnes has always done good things
Never done bad things
She makes a difference to those that matter
She makes a difference with her smile!
Free Agnes the Bank Nurse
From swear words and much worse
Thirty seven years of peeling potatoes
That’s the way “Respect” shows and love grows
Agnes gets up a couple of days a week
To provide thrills and spills for the meek
A hand of cards and a little tender loving care
A game of charades, laying personal worries bare
Agnes doesn’t care what they say from above
She won’t stay in a world without love
She can’t live in a world with swear words
Not appreciating life and the flight of swallows and other birds
Agnes has always done good things
Never done bad things
She makes a difference to those that matter
She makes a difference with her smile!
When I’m 67
Some say Sally works hard
I tend to disagree
When Harley catches her off guard
She’s always drinking tea
She gets home to Gable
At half past three
The dinners on the table
And so is a cup of tea
Gable is so helpful
He made Sally’s clothes horse into shelves
Frankly they look awful
She’s beside herself
Gable has his TV and computer
Sally her church friends
She’s looking for a new suitor
The pantomime of life never ends
Some say Sally works hard
I tend to disagree
When Harley catches her off guard
She’s always drinking tea
She gets home to Gable
At half past three
The dinners on the table
And so is a cup of tea
Gable is so helpful
He made Sally’s clothes horse into shelves
Frankly they look awful
She’s beside herself
Gable has his TV and computer
Sally her church friends
She’s looking for a new suitor
The pantomime of life never ends
Some Guys Have All The Luck
Some guys have all the luck
Ending up in an institute
Some girls have all the luck too
For living life the way they want to
Give us a chance to be normal again
To live our lives as one of them
Mental illness is a condition not a crime
So why do we feel paranoid and discriminated against all the time
Some people have all the luck
Some people have all the breaks
They get pissed every weekend in the wars
And do naughty things behind closed doors
They manage to steer clear
Of the Mental Health system
Killing babies, passing the buck
And society doesn’t give a f***
Now that’s what I call bad luck
Some guys have all the luck
Ending up in an institute
Some girls have all the luck too
For living life the way they want to
Give us a chance to be normal again
To live our lives as one of them
Mental illness is a condition not a crime
So why do we feel paranoid and discriminated against all the time
Some people have all the luck
Some people have all the breaks
They get pissed every weekend in the wars
And do naughty things behind closed doors
They manage to steer clear
Of the Mental Health system
Killing babies, passing the buck
And society doesn’t give a f***
Now that’s what I call bad luck
Summer Time Blues
Whenever I’m sad
Whenever I’m blue
Whenever my troubles are heavy
At The Tyne Centre music session
I play the accordion
Just like Freddie
Troubles may come
Troubles may go
You’ll always find me ready
Upon the wooded hill
Cutting up trees still
Just like Freddie
Whenever I frown
Whenever I’m down
Whenever my feet are weary
I’ll dream of the Sun
Of pharaohs and Egyptian fun
Just like Freddie
Managers may come
Managers may go
Whenever their attitude is sleazy
Residents empty the wards
On guided woodland walks
Just for Freddie
Come on everybody
Strim the grass
Weed the pass
Build a tool shed
Plant a flower bed
Load a wheel barrow
On the straight and narrow
Lay down the gravel
Let your worries unravel
For both yourselves and for Freddie
Whenever I’m sad
Whenever I’m blue
Whenever my troubles are heavy
I smile to myself
Over my improving mental health
And thank God for Freddie
Whenever I’m sad
Whenever I’m blue
Whenever my troubles are heavy
At The Tyne Centre music session
I play the accordion
Just like Freddie
Troubles may come
Troubles may go
You’ll always find me ready
Upon the wooded hill
Cutting up trees still
Just like Freddie
Whenever I frown
Whenever I’m down
Whenever my feet are weary
I’ll dream of the Sun
Of pharaohs and Egyptian fun
Just like Freddie
Managers may come
Managers may go
Whenever their attitude is sleazy
Residents empty the wards
On guided woodland walks
Just for Freddie
Come on everybody
Strim the grass
Weed the pass
Build a tool shed
Plant a flower bed
Load a wheel barrow
On the straight and narrow
Lay down the gravel
Let your worries unravel
For both yourselves and for Freddie
Whenever I’m sad
Whenever I’m blue
Whenever my troubles are heavy
I smile to myself
Over my improving mental health
And thank God for Freddie
Planet Zog
I come from planet Zog
I want to walk down the pub
Go to a restaurant
Without people staring at me
Walk down the street
Without glancing over my shoulder
I come from planet Zog
I want to put 10k on a gee gee
I want to break free
I want to be me
I come from planet Zog
I want to be able to say
What I want
How I want
What I want
I want to be free
I want to be me
So don’t lock me away
In a mental institution
I may have problems
But it’s not the only answer
I do have problems
But it’s not the best answer
I don’t come from planet Zog
I come from planet Earth
I don’t demand much in life
But please let me be treated as normal
Just like you!!!
I come from planet Zog
I want to walk down the pub
Go to a restaurant
Without people staring at me
Walk down the street
Without glancing over my shoulder
I come from planet Zog
I want to put 10k on a gee gee
I want to break free
I want to be me
I come from planet Zog
I want to be able to say
What I want
How I want
What I want
I want to be free
I want to be me
So don’t lock me away
In a mental institution
I may have problems
But it’s not the only answer
I do have problems
But it’s not the best answer
I don’t come from planet Zog
I come from planet Earth
I don’t demand much in life
But please let me be treated as normal
Just like you!!!
Man In Black
.
He used to be a pillar of society
But now he’s just famous for his notoriety
Less than nine million pounds a year
Results in a disgruntled grimace and lear
There’s a massive credit crunch
Yet he’s out on an all expenses paid lunch
He’s gambling our hard earned savings
On financial advisor ravings
He argues for his huge bonus
Yet when we’re in debt he refuses to phone us
All we get is an answer machine and inaction
And a computer charging for an unsuccessful transaction
Our society is based on credit and debt
Yet it’s never the man in black who frets
How can he lose twenty two billion
And still believe he’s one in a million
Off he goes to live on his considerable pension
After taxpayers are forced to provide financial intervention
Why are people who don’t toe the line
Not imprisoned for committing such heinous crimes
Bank managers used to be pillars of society
Now they’re just famous for their notoriety
He used to be a pillar of society
But now he’s just famous for his notoriety
Less than nine million pounds a year
Results in a disgruntled grimace and lear
There’s a massive credit crunch
Yet he’s out on an all expenses paid lunch
He’s gambling our hard earned savings
On financial advisor ravings
He argues for his huge bonus
Yet when we’re in debt he refuses to phone us
All we get is an answer machine and inaction
And a computer charging for an unsuccessful transaction
Our society is based on credit and debt
Yet it’s never the man in black who frets
How can he lose twenty two billion
And still believe he’s one in a million
Off he goes to live on his considerable pension
After taxpayers are forced to provide financial intervention
Why are people who don’t toe the line
Not imprisoned for committing such heinous crimes
Bank managers used to be pillars of society
Now they’re just famous for their notoriety
Friday, 23 April 2010
.
Too Much Pressure
Too much pressure
Bearing down on me
What can I do?
Watching good friends scream and shout
Saying let me out
Waiting for just one friend to come and see me
For a chat and a cup of tea
My brain’s all mixed up
I need to chill out
Relax on an island
With the one I love
Growing to love my inner self
Accepting the past
Living the now
Planning the future
Too much pressure
After 84 days of captivity
Won’t you please set me free
Too Much Pressure
Too much pressure
Bearing down on me
What can I do?
Watching good friends scream and shout
Saying let me out
Waiting for just one friend to come and see me
For a chat and a cup of tea
My brain’s all mixed up
I need to chill out
Relax on an island
With the one I love
Growing to love my inner self
Accepting the past
Living the now
Planning the future
Too much pressure
After 84 days of captivity
Won’t you please set me free
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