I Wish
Memories of the past bring me down
Wherever I am they’re always there
A yoke around my neck
A bungee rope attached to my waist
Holding me back from the future
I shop at the local Tesco Extra
Reminding me of my stupidity
I’m banned from other shops
I wish I’d never shoplifted
My dreams from reality
I walk a mile up hill
With splitting plastic shopping bags
Almost brought to my knees
My feet ache with bone disease
I wish I’d never got drunk
A bottle of whiskey to take the pain away
A good session to relieve me from stress
A licence lost through a farmer’s fence
I wish I’d never had a helicopter ride
I wish I’d used my common sense
A lost job, a lost career
A decline in personal wealth
A regular visit to Aldi instead of M&S
Losing my friends and family
Losing my stability and self esteem
Memories of the past bring me down
I wish I had amnesia
I wish I could make a fresh start
I wish my wishes would come true
In the mean time I’ll struggle on
Looking for answers
I wrote this in early May. It talks about how my past controls my life. How manic phases of bi-polar affecctive mood disorder, and a consequent lack of touch with reality have affected me. Particularly drink driving and getting into debt so that I had no money to live on, and resultant shoplifting. It doesn't mention prison, homelessness, sectioning and not seeing my 11 year old daughter for 15 months. I've said too much. That's where the "I wish I had amnesia" line is so important to me, and I feel is the best line in the poem.
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